imagine you are a hoover

oh would you look at that…
it’s another one of those posts.

imagine you are a hoover
in a second-hand shop window
write a poem
in the voice of the hoover

Alistair Findlay – Never Mind the Captions

in this version i’m played by a late-nineties-era brad pitt

firstly, watching without me.
secondly, not even watching.

God creates dinosoaurs.
God destroys dinosaurs.
God creates man.
Man destroys God.
Man creates dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs eat man.
Woman inherits the earth.

Jurassic Park (1993)

because love island is fucking weird.
for a more exhaustive (exhausting) rant, see [this post].

noo noo, no!

tellytubbies is also fucking weird.

blow job

the dream of the carpet cleaner’s wife

obligatory meta-modernism

seven days…

ringu, the film, wherein this iconic sequence, was actually based on koji suzuki’s novel ring, the first of an increasingly (and i mean that-escalated-quickly sort of rapidly increasingly) batshit trilogy, followed by spiral (spiralling), and loop (loopy).

loop in particular is one of the most insane literary products i’ve ever encountered. try, if you’re into this sort of thing, reading the plot summary on wikipedia. it’s as though the author was accidentally on a huge dose of acid, playing a zombie-themed coin-operated arcade game in a hospital morgue designed by h.r. giger.

for the entire writing period.

i enjoyed it more than i care to admit.