hipster lorem ipsums

Mind delusions acquainted, bubbles erotica
Plutonium wedding rings, icicle stretchings, bicycle shoestrings

I-E-A-I-A-I-O – System of a Down

without further ado
i give you
an accidental dadaist masterpiece
the greatest FAQ section
of any random rwandan online construction materials marketplace
you’ll ever 
never see

now, with illustrations!


What Shipping Methods Are Available?

Ex Portland Pitchfork irure mustache. Eutra fap before they sold out literally. Aliquip ugh bicycle rights actually mlkshk, seitan squid craft beer tempor.

Do You Ship Internationally?

Hoodie tote bag mixtape tofu. Typewriter jean shorts wolf quinoa, messenger bag organic freegan cray.

How Long Will It Take To Get My Package?

Swag slow-carb quinoa VHS typewriter pork belly brunch, paleo single-origin coffee Wes Anderson. Flexitarian Pitchfork forage, literally paleo fap pour-over. Wes Anderson Pinterest YOLO fanny pack meggings, deep v XOXO chambray sustainable slow-carb raw denim church-key fap chillwave Etsy. +1 typewriter kitsch, American Apparel tofu Banksy Vice.



What Payment Methods Are Accepted?

Fashion axe DIY jean shorts, swag kale chips meh polaroid kogi butcher Wes Anderson chambray next level semiotics gentrify yr. Voluptate photo booth fugiat Vice. Austin sed Williamsburg, ea labore raw denim voluptate cred proident mixtape excepteur mustache. Twee chia photo booth readymade food truck.

Is Buying On-Line Safe?

Art party authentic freegan semiotics jean shorts chia cred. Neutra Austin roof party Brooklyn. Plaid letterpress leggings craft beer meh ethical Pinterest.



How do I place an Order?

Raw denim polaroid paleo farm-to-table, put a bird on it lo-fi tattooed Wes Anderson Pinterest letterpress. Fingerstache McSweeney’s pour-over, letterpress Schlitz photo booth master cleanse bespoke hashtag chillwave gentrify.

How Can I Cancel Or Change My Order?

Art party authentic freegan semiotics jean shorts chia cred. Neutra Austin roof party Brooklyn, synth Thundercats swag 8-bit photo booth.

Do I need an account to place an order?

Twee chia photo booth readymade food truck, hoodie roof party swag keytar PBR DIY. Cray ugh 3 wolf moon fap, fashion axe irony butcher cornhole typewriter chambray VHS banjo street art.

How Do I Track My Order?

Keytar cray slow-carb, Godard banh mi salvia pour-over. Slow-carb Odd Future seitan normcore. Master cleanse American Apparel gentrify flexitarian beard slow-carb next level.

How Can I Return a Product?

Kale chips Truffaut Williamsburg, hashtag fixie Pinterest raw denim chambray drinking vinegar Carles street art Bushwick gastropub. Wolf Tumblr paleo church-key. Plaid food truck Echo Park YOLO bitters hella, direct trade Thundercats leggings quinoa before they sold out. You probably haven’t heard of them wayfarers authentic umami drinking vinegar Pinterest Cosby sweater, fingerstache fap High Life.


i found this 
readymade madness
quite unexpectedly
looking for lightbulbs

finding what folks in the industry like to call, unhelpfully, a found poem, is like stumbling upon buried treasure. a sea chest with a thousand golden galleons. it’s always the highlight of my day. it’s why i do this shit.  

it’s also disconcerting. because why even try to write when hipster ipsum lorems on some random rwandan website do it better than me and my personal persnickety pseudo-semi-professional literary public service? when dropped shopping lists and badly translated instructions for cheap chinese electronics and random words scrawled on random walls are more l and less p than me. 

well. it’s a reminder not to try. don’t try. it’s a reminder that writing is seeing. that writing is seeking and finding the strange juxtapositions and curious connections all around us, and pointing at them and saying look, look! how fucking weird is that? and thus reminding us all of the painfully pointless, pointlessly painful, joyful absurdity of existence. 

it’s a sign from the universe. it’s a lurid, luminous ‘welcome to fabulous las vegas nevada’ reminder that i’m still on track, strictly speaking, that i’m doing something right.

i shouldn't be here
shouldn't be here
typing this

and tho every sentence
every word i add lessens
its artistic merit

here i am
here it is

now the schizophrenic hipsterific ramblings above were (i assume) machine-generated. some hardworking handlebar-moustachioed ai with a penchant for fixed-gear bicycles spent seconds producing that shit, and it behoves me to acknowledge it. i approve of its output. and yet i can’t get no satisfaction ‘finding’ poetry by feeding promps into a generative ai. 

the sign has to come from the universe. otherwise i feel like i’m just posting letters to myself. which, if i did, would look something like this

you have a statistically perfect penis. 
you are the david foster wallace of the pokemon generation. 
sincerely, pseudonym
p.s. u r well fit

the text, by the way, is presented exactly as i found it. there has been no artistic rejigging. there has been no attempt to tweak, adjust, or improve upon the original pseudo-random virtuosity of the source material. i wanted to. i really wanted to. i wanted fingertache swag. i wanted master cleanse hashtag gentrify. i wanted keytar art party.

but i noticed that the moment i started fucking with the original order, the whole thing became meaningless. just a list of random words. i could open a new tab now and generate ten thousand hipster clichés. but what would be the point? i wouldn’t read it. you wouldn’t read it. just more fingerfood for some other hungry ai. 

my choice became simple, binary. work with what was there, unaltered and unadulterated. or work with nothing, and start from scratch. and i’m glad to admit that what was there was more than sufficiently rad and mad enough for my modest pseudo-literary machinations.


We live within this manifested idea of what should be form, and what we try and keep out of our existence is chaos, which is a very real part of our lives, and our refusal to accept chaos as being integral to our existence, I think, has been one of the greatest mistakes as a civilization that we’ve made.

David Bowie – Moonage Daydream (2022)